


Of Sharpness and Softness

by MidwestCryptid



Series: Starshine (A Post-Canon Saga) [3]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Magicat Catra (She-Ra), Magicats (She-Ra), Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:47:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26075152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidwestCryptid/pseuds/MidwestCryptid
Summary: Six months after the defeat of Horde Prime, Catra struggles to adapt to life on the other side of war and trauma. While on a mission to help with reconstruction efforts in Salineas, a former Horde cadet visits with a surprise and Catra is forced to seek answers about her own past.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), catra/therapy
Series: Starshine (A Post-Canon Saga) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002339
Comments: 48
Kudos: 218





	1. Reconstruction

**Author's Note:**

> Updates planned for Sundays, depending on how my work schedule is. Currently in process of revising chapters to add scenes and dialogue and flesh out the story more fully. If you’ve been reading, thank you for the patience—this is the hazards of me getting back into writing after years of being out of practice and needing to discover my style and voice.
> 
> Chapter one revision complete: 10.5.20.  
> Chapter two revision complete: 10.10.20.  
> Chapter three revision complete: 11.26.20.  
> Chapter four revision complete: 1.25.21.  
> Chapter five revision complete: 2.6.21.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra does mission work in Salineas to make amends for past deeds. She is visited by another former member of the Horde who brings a surprise with them.
> 
> CW: mentions of abuse

Catra stood up stiffly and swiped the back of her hand against her damp forehead, then squinted up into the midday sun and frowned. Salineas was insufferably hot this time of year and humidity seeped into the blazing heat and clung mercilessly to her fur. She realized she was slouching and made an effort to straighten her back but was caught off guard when a muscle twinged, knocking the air out of her. The edges of her vision blackened slightly and Catra felt unsteady and slightly nauseous; still, there was work to do. Work which had already been delayed for several weeks due to inclement weather. Catra pushed her weariness aside and gritted her teeth as she attempted to ignore the headache throbbing in her temples.

Besides, pain was nothing, if not familiar. She had always taken it for granted that it was normal to have some level of ache—the dull echoes of previously broken bones, phantom touches of electricity singing through her nerves, sore muscles, or just a general tenderness to any sort of touch. When she had first moved to Brightmoon, a concerned Glimmer had insisted she get a checkup from one of the healers and while Catra had insisted she was _fine_ , thank you, she finally acquiesced just to get the queen to stop nagging.

In the end, it had turned out that she was not, in fact, fine. Catra was already uncomfortable allowing some stranger to see her exposed body and to touch her, no matter how kind they were. Her discomfort only increased every time she observed a look of concern pass over the healer’s face as they looked her over; while she continued to hide most of the results from everyone else, Catra walked away from the consultation with several revelations. Apparently, the normal level of pain was supposed to be zero, for starters. There was also the matter of some permanent damage to her back from being thrown around so much, nerve damage from years of torture by electricity, and a multitude of scars which, thankfully, were concealed by her fur.

At least she could continue to hide those issues; there was no need to bother anyone else with them, or herself, really—she’d leave these issues for Future Catra to deal with. There were, however, two concerns she had to at least explain to Adora, lest her girlfriend worry about a few adaptations Catra made to her lifestyle. Upon examining her, the healer declared Catra was underweight, which hadn’t shocked her—rations were meager in the Horde to begin with, and being the recipient of most of Shadow Weaver’s ire meant at least a few times a week where she hadn’t even been allowed to eat. Over the years, she had simply learned to ignore the hunger which gnawed at her belly and even with more food available sans restrictions it was standard for her to continue eating small portions or to even forget to eat at all.

At first Catra had struggled with the new diet. Large meals left her feeling uncomfortable and slightly queasy, but she found that if she ate several small meals, she was fine; she just had to remember to actually eat them. The changes were noticeable within just a few months: slightly softer features, her ribs no longer jutting out, and her fur and hair looking and feeling healthier.

The second big change was that Catra was sleeping more, even if her sleep WAS still punctuated by nightmares. She had spent her whole life being yelled at for alleged laziness, and even Adora liked to tease her for how hard she was to get up in the mornings. In truth, it wasn’t that she was lazy, but chronically sleep-deprived, as her species was prone to taking naps in the afternoons and gods, she had been missing out on this. Several weeks of adding this activity to her schedule and Catra found herself frequently waking up before Adora in the mornings. It felt weird, but it also felt somehow... _good_. Glimmer didn’t know the details, but she made a comment a few weeks ago that Catra seemed to be less of a grouch, so the changes must have impacted her mood, as well.

She took a swig from her canteen and wrinkled her nose in disgust at the now hot water, then got back on task. Even as everything else in her life changed, there remained some constants: she was still focused, stubborn, and more than willing to push herself far beyond her limits to achieve her objectives. Of course, this meant that her newly acquired habits of having a sleep routine and eating regularly were thoroughly obliterated. Worse, having spent over a week away from Adora caused her anxiety to spike even higher, and her normally fitful sleep to be plagued by an increasing number of nightmares. Being in a city she had attacked less than a year ago, surrounded by people who openly despised and antagonized her chipped away at what little was left of any sense of safety she had tentatively managed to establish. The best term she could think of to describe her emotional state over the last several days was “activated.”

At least now the woman used her drive to build, rather than to destroy. In the months since the defeat of Horde Prime she had grown to realize just how much her own patterns mirrored Adora’s, both driven by the need to prove they were “enough”. Catra had also learned that if she was ever going to sate the aching emptiness which threatened to consume her at every quiet moment, she needed to learn to experience her emotions and to take responsibility for her life; however, she mostly preferred to just keep herself busy and to work herself to the point of exhaustion.

Six months ago, Catra would have hissed at her present self and told her to fuck off, but now she took charge of this responsibility. Currently, this meant suffering through the hottest parts of the Salinean summer to help rebuild the city which she had laid siege to. Nothing could ever truly fix her actions and at this point Catra realized she may never find forgiveness—from the citizens, from Mermista, from herself. Still, she urged herself to do the work, to make amends, to be good.

She lifted a bundle of construction supplies and went to stand back up, but swayed slightly as blackness seeped back into her vision and a fresh wave of nausea overtook her. The heavy supplies clattered to the ground and Catra stumbled forward, but strong arms caught her by the waist before she hit the ground. She blinked in confusion upon realizing she’d been picked up and tucked securely against the broad chest of…

Sea Hawk. Great.

Catra locked eyes with the man and scowled. He ignored her sour expression and gazed back at her, his black eyes clouded in concern.

“Friend! You have been working _very_ hard these past several days; however, the sun is quite treacherous and I can see you are in need of some rest and a cold beverage.” Catra was surprised by the tenderness in the man’s voice; she usually found him too loud, dramatic, full of bravado.

She should have responded in kind, but Catra felt unwell so instead, she snapped back, “We are _not_ friends.” The pirate’s face fell and Catra squirmed in his grasp. “Now put me down! I have work to do.”

Before Catra could protest further, Sea Hawk began to stride away from the work area, continuing to carry her as he went. She briefly considered unsheathing her claws and taking him down, but thought better of it. Still, she had a reputation to uphold that didn’t involve being saved by a man who regularly belted out shanties. Besides, the scent of smoke and whiskey always seemed to cling to him, and it stung her nose at this proximity.

“Sea Hawk,” she gritted out, “If you don’t put me down this instant, I will _end_ you.”

“Fair maiden, as a gentleman of honor, it is my duty to ensure you are well cared for! Certainly, I cannot have Adora finding out I allowed her beloved to be in peril, to collapse and to possibly even _perish_ of heat exhaustion.”

Catra rolled her eyes and the pirate paused and looked down at her, his forehead creased with worry.

“I shall also remind you that your beloved has the ability to turn into an eight foot tall warrior and I am terrified of what would happen to me should you come to harm while in our care.”

She cackled briefly, but was cut off and winced as pain shot through her temple. “Ha, yeah, that’s fair.” She sighed and adjusted herself in his arms, then pointed dramatically towards the castle, the tip of her tail twitching, ears perked forward. “Onward, noble savior!”

Sea Hawk simply chuckled and resumed walking, carrying Catra away from the ruins of the neighborhood she was so desperately helping to rebuild.

***

Evening came and Catra sat on the balcony in the guest room and watched as the sun faded over the horizon and the pinks and purples of the sunset deepened to the indigo of the night sky. Stars sparked to life in the encroaching darkness, reflected by the black sea below. It was still weird being out of Despondos; the presence of a sun meant shifts in weather patterns and more extremes, but at least the magic of the planet had adapted to the changes, which prevented things from getting _too_ out of hand.

She’d never admit it, but Sea Hawk had grown on her over the past several months—they did share the same flair for the dramatic, after all. Perhaps they could actually be friends, some day; an entertaining thought, really, when one considered how much they both enjoyed setting things on fire. She couldn’t be certain, but Catra thought a few of Mermista’s sarcastic barbs over dinner held a bit less spite than usual. Maybe the princess would actually tolerate her some day. Catra had experienced far greater miracles and didn’t disregard the thought immediately.

She smiled softly and sighed. It had only been a few months since she had started working through her issues—Catra still had far more days where the pain and the rage overwhelmed her, where trauma and depression hooked her with their claws. She was certain she hadn’t slept through a night without waking up in terror, but this moment was a good moment. This moment was a peaceful moment. She inhaled deeply and worked through a mental checklist Perfuma had taught her, observing the present and tucking it away into her brain as a safe space to revisit later.

A gentle nudge against her leg signaled that Melog had decided to join her, and Catra absent-mindedly ran her fingers through their blue mane as she continued to gaze out at the sea. A sharp knock at the door pulled her away from her thoughts and she frowned slightly, not expecting any visitors this evening. Despite the anxiety seeping into her chest, she maintained a neutral expression and a calm voice as she invited whoever it was in. The door swung open and a few guards entered, a slight figure behind them.

One of the guards nodded in greeting. “Princess Mermista sends her apologies for disturbing you at this hour, but you have a visitor with an urgent matter.”

Catra stiffened and stood up hastily, shocked for a moment when she recognized the small figure who stepped into her room from behind the guards. The girl set a crate down gently on the floor as she entered, then saluted sharply before standing at attention and addressing her, “Commander Cat—“

Her fur bristled slightly, but she managed to temper her demand and there was no sharpness when she interrupted. “Please, just Catra. You aren’t my subordinate anymore.” The young woman relaxed and Catra’s expression shifted to a genuine smile as she greeted the former junior cadet. “Kiva! What brings you here to see me? And how have you been?”

When she joined the Rebellion, she hadn’t openly admitted it—in fact, Catra at first attempted to deny what she viewed as a weakness. Even Adora was shocked when she discovered the truth and had gazed at Catra with bright, watery eyes, flushed cheeks and an enamored smile. Despite her best attempts to deflect, the truth had insisted on making itself known. Present Catra was actually grateful for it. It made the amends process...easier.

For all the harshness she had shown the Horde soldiers who were her age or older, once Catra became second in command, she took an active interest in the lives of the younger cadets. At the time, she would claim it was to ensure a more devoted fighting force and a stronger team. A few weeks after the war, when former cadets started showing up at Bright Moon for amnesty, she finally was forced to admit the truth.

Catra was soft when it came to children.

A smirk briefly flickered across her face as she recalled the shocked expressions of the other Alliance members upon seeing some of the younger cadets rush Catra and excitedly chatter to her about their adventures in the Whispering Woods. It was part of what had cut so deeply when Glimmer demanded she do one good thing in her life, why she had been so affected by the memories of her younger days in the corridors of the Velvet Glove, and a large part of why Scorpia had stuck around as long as she did. In her insistence that she be nothing like Shadow Weaver, Catra had shown genuine caring for these children.

Kiva smiled shyly, her warm honey eyes crinkling slightly. “I’ve been really good, Com—Catra! We have a home for this region’s war orphans, and I help out with some of the younger ones. Which is actually why I’m here to see you…” The girl shifted uncomfortably and awkwardly hugged her left arm against her own chest as she bit her lip and looked down at the crate.

Catra’s brow furrowed as she followed the former cadet’s gaze. “Kiva, please tell me you did _not_ pack a child into a shipping crate.”

Kiva laughed awkwardly and shifted her arm to play with her hair. “Uh...this is actually a live trap that we set out. We just...don’t know what to do now that we’ve caught her.”

Catra tilted her head and cocked an eyebrow. “You...caught a child. In a live trap. And now you don’t know what to do with her.”

Kiva nodded lamely. Catra didn’t respond, and the young woman swallowed and continued, “She was spotted staying in the ruined areas a few weeks after we destroyed Salineas. The kid can’t be much older than five, but up until a few days ago we couldn’t manage to actually get her. We’d been setting out food and water for weeks and she’s gotten by, she’s way too young to be on her own—we’re also pretty sure she’s injured, but we can’t manage to get her out of the trap safely to give her proper care.”

Catra frowned, concerned, but also confused. “You guys are having that much trouble with a five year old?”

Once again, Kiva shifted awkwardly. Her response was quiet, but left Catra’s ears ringing.

“We don’t know what to do because of how rare she is. That’s why I’m here for your help. Catra, she’s the same race as you.”


	2. The First One and the Lost One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra learns the hard way how not to care for a kitten, while Adora draws upon past experience. Catra is forced to confront some of her own history.
> 
> CW: brief mention of forced assimilation when it comes to Catra as a Magicat.

Just a little over an hour later, Catra realized she had made a horrible life decision. No, that wasn’t true—this had been a series of horrible life decisions. Precisely, it was the eleventh bad decision she had made since breakfast. She frowned and muttered to herself as the tracker pad beeped in her hand, “If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. Again.” The screen flickered and she forced a grin onto her face, hoping that if she could at least put up a facade of things being totally fine she could avoid worrying her girlfriend.

“Catra! Hi...“ Adora’s expression had been bright when she answered, but quickly shifted to concern upon registering the state of her caller. “Uh, are you okay?” As if in response, a high-pitched growl echoed from under the bed and Catra’s ear twitched. No such luck with convincing her girlfriend that everything was under control.

Originally, the plan had been to allow the smaller Magicat to adjust to her presence and gradually convince the child to come out of the live trap. The fact that they’d already been in the trap for two days was a wrench in that plan, however...that and the injuries the kid was suspected of having. Catra had hoped that since they hadn’t had food or water the past few days, she’d potentially find things to be a little easier, but of course, nothing came easily to her, did it? In hindsight, the plan was laughable. Yes, sure, give the small terrified cat with claws that can cut through steel a bath. Surely, nothing could go wrong with that at all.

At least she had tried. She started out attempting to talk to the girl, but the only response was a terrified hiss, followed by the flash of fangs and claws. She offered the girl some jerky from her own stash of food, but eating required a sense of safety, and that simply wasn’t going to be a thing for some time. In hindsight, Catra could have made life a lot easier by calling Adora to come over at that time; however, once again Present Catra found herself swearing at the hubris of Past Catra.

After running a warm bath, Catra had opened the crate and gingerly placed an arm in, swearing under her breath and stifling a hiss when the kitten promptly bit down and latched on with their claws. Catra ignored the throbbing pain and swiftly pulled her arm out of the crate, child still attached. She used her other hand to scruff the girl’s neck and marched over to the bath, but discovered rather quickly that two hands were not enough to handle what was now a wet and slippery ball of fury. The entire thing had been a blur of activity, but the end result had been Catra receiving even more bites and several scratches for her trouble, as well as getting dunked into the water as the kitten clamored to escape.

Gods, had she been this hard to deal with as a kid? Catra made a mental note to ask Adora about it when she had the chance. What mattered now was the kitten she had been tasked with taking care of.

And now? The child still hadn’t been properly bathed and was huddled under the bed, sopping wet and snarling while Catra glared sourly at the screen, water dripping from her bangs, face and arms bloodied. Melog, to their credit, had shrunk down to the size of a housecat and was attempting to assert some semblance of calm to the room by laying just outside of the bed and purring loudly.

When she had started this whole endeavor, Catra had decided that an eight foot tall magical glowing woman would be a bit overwhelming for the kid, but if they were going to get cleaned off and patched up without further incident, it was time to call upon the almighty She-Ra. *You know,* she chided herself, *You could have just called her in to begin with.*

Catra took a deep breath and addressed her increasingly fidgety girlfriend, “I’ll explain when you get here, but I need your help immediately.” She could almost feel Adora’s anxiety rising through the video, and quickly added, “It’s not an emergency, but it’s urgent. Maybe have Sparkles teleport you? Except, grab some clothes for a few days and some fish from the kitchen here?”

Adora nodded and disconnected from the call. Catra turned to face the void under the bed, catching a glimpse of the flash of eyes and teeth as a new growl erupted from within. It was going to be a long night.

***

A knock sounded at the door just as Catra was finishing treating the last of her wounds, causing her to start and bump her arm which sent a jolt of pain through it. She hissed sharply and another growl sounded from underneath the bed. “Yeah, yeah—I’m not feeling particularly friendly right now, either.” This time, she got up and opened the door a crack to confirm it was Adora. No need to spook the kid any more than necessary by inviting random people in. Catra pulled her girlfriend into the room before she could even exchange a greeting and shut the door in Glimmer’s face.

An irritated “Seriously?!” could be heard from the hall, followed by a soft tinkling to indicate that the queen had teleported elsewhere. She’d have to apologize for that later.

Adora frowned and crossed her arms as she regarded Catra’s bandages, “Okay, wha—“ Another high-pitched growl emanated from below and she whipped around to crouch into a defensive stance. Catra grinned and laid a hand on her shoulder.

“I’ve heard legends that the almighty She-Ra can tame even the fiercest of beasts! And man, do I have a challenge for you!”

“A...Beast…?” Adora gazed at the small space under the bed, then looked back at Catra skeptically. “Obviously not a big beast, if it’s under the bed. What gives, Catra? You look _rough_.”

“Clearly, living with a bunch of princesses has made me go soft.”

Adora pressed her index finger against Catra’s forehead and smirked. “You were already soft. Living with a bunch of princesses just forced you to come to terms with it.”

“Take it back,” Catra growled, “or I’ll just take my chances under the bed by myself.”

This at least elicited a giggle and for them to both relax slightly. Catra peered at the bed, thinking, then walked to the sink and got a small cup of water which she set down just on the periphery of the darkness cloaking the kitten. Once again, she was greeted with a hiss, but at least she didn’t receive another scratch or bite for her troubles.

“Hey, can you hand me that fish I asked for?” Adora nodded and held out a paper bag, which Catra ripped open, then used as a surface to set the food out near the water. She stood up and motioned for Adora to follow her, and the couple sat on the floor across the room. Melog sniffed the fish idly, chirped, then joined them to wait.

After a few moments of silence, Adora addressed Catra again, keeping her voice just barely above a whisper. “Okay, so what’s going on? What are we trying to flush out?”

Catra grunted, “One of the cadets found a stray kitten and decided I’d be the perfect one to take her in. You can see how well that went.”

A smirk crossed Adora’s face and she quirked an eyebrow, “Oh is that all? I seem to recall that I do have a way with kittens…” She stood up and walked back over to the bed, laid prone on the floor and reached a hand out towards the source of another growl, keeping a few inches away and holding still. The minutes went by, tense, silent.

Suddenly, Adora beamed and her voice, soft and low, broke the silence. “Good girl.” Slowly, she brought her arm out from under the bed and shifted into a seated position, picking up the fish and breaking off a piece, holding it in front of her and waiting patiently. A few more minutes passed, then, to Catra’s surprise, the child cautiously poked her head out from under the bed, green eyes wide. Her fur was a few shades darker than Catra’s although she wondered if it was partly due to the grime still clinging to it.

Another few minutes crept by and the child sniffed at the food being offered, then crawled the rest of the way from under the bed and sat just in front of Adora, eyes never leaving her face, tail twitching in curiosity. Suddenly, the kitten chirped and pulled herself into Adora’s lap, ignoring the fish and clinging tightly to the woman’s shirt, peeking around her at Catra. Adora turned slightly and grinned triumphantly, her eyes glowing blue.

Of course she used magic. That **_cheater_**.

With the food ignored, Adora took the hint and set the fish back down, then shifted so she was holding the kitten while using a hand to rub one of her ears. The small girl flinched momentarily before leaning into the touch, a high-pitched purr errupting from her chest. Still, those eyes bore into Catra, unblinking.

Catra chuckled softly, “Well, if you ever need to retire from being Etheria’s hero, it looks like you can always be a cat whisperer.”

“I mean, this is literally how I got you out of the box you were in when we found you in the Fright Zone.”

Slowly, Catra crossed the room to join the others. She sat down and tentatively reached a hand out to the kitten, whose eyes had never left her. The girl sniffed at her, ears twitching, then launched herself off Adora and clutched onto Catra, which elicited a sharp hiss from the woman due to the unexpected sudden movement and fresh claw marks in her shoulders.

The girl leaned up to whisper something in Catra’s ear, her voice soft and melodic. Briefly, something stirred inside Catra, some long-forgotten memory, but it slipped away quickly. Confused, Catra looked towards Adora for help.

“Did you make any of that out?”

Adora shook her head. “I couldn’t hear what she said.” She smiled at the kitten and spoke to her, raising her pitch slightly, “I’m Adora—and that’s Catra and Melog. Can you tell us your name?”

More silence followed as the child shifted her gaze between the other occupants of the room. Her voice was barely audible when she answered, “Opal.” She shifted in Catra’s arms and spoke against her ear again, repeating the phrase from before. The two women blinked at each other and Opal’s face screwed up in confusion. “You...do not speak our language?”

Catra shook her head. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

Opal’s ears flattened and she shrunk back a little. She spoke again, her voice lilting, but unintelligible to Catra and Adora. Melog perked up, however. *She is speaking the language of the Magicats.*

“They have their own language?” Adora cocked her head and Catra explained, “Melog says she’s speaking whatever language the Magicats use. I didn’t know they had a different language than Etherian.”

*“They?” Friend, you are one of them—why do you other yourself?* 

Catra glowered at Melog and their mane bristled red in response as she snapped, “I don’t HAVE to other myself, I don’t know anything about the other Magicats. Opal’s the first one I’ve met since I was like, what, _five_?”

Their mane faded to a deep blue and they sighed. *They stole you and stripped you of your identity—tried to make you one of them, but this does not make you an “other.”*

Catra deflated a bit and Opal peered up at her. “You are...a Lost One?”

“A what?”

“The big fight. They took you, yes?”

Catra smiled at the girl sadly and nodded. “I mean, yeah, I guess that’s what happened.” This night was shifting from weird to _uncomfortable_ , and Catra quickly changed the subject. “Look, kid. I know we maybe haven’t gotten off to the best start, but we really need to get you cleaned up. Can we try again?”

The kitten bristled slightly and tensed back up, and Catra continued, “I don’t like water, either, but if you work with us we can make it real quick, deal?” A bit of the tension left and the small girl nodded somberly. Catra passed her to Adora and went to draw a fresh bath, as Adora helped her to get a bit of food and water in her system.

***

It hadn’t taken too much longer to get things settled for the night. While she was still decidedly not pleased with the idea of getting a bath, Opal allowed it this time and was now changed into clean clothes, courtesy of a late-night delivery by Kiva. She was alarmingly thin, but Catra supposed it could have been worse, considering she had been scavenging for the past several months. Any other Etherian child wouldn’t had survived alone at that age, but Magicats were apparently nothing, if not resilient.

After her bath, the girl was ravenous and wolfed down most of the food Adora had brought up from the kitchen; Catra intervened before she could eat herself sick, but now she had a bit of a bloated tummy from the fish and biscuits she’d devoured.

Surprisingly, the child was mostly uninjured, save a kink in her tail where the bones had been broken previously. Nothing required any sort of healing and Catra opted to deal with her own injuries without any magical intervention in order to spare potentially causing more trouble for their already overwhelmed charge—at least, that was the excuse she gave Adora. The truth was that Catra still detested the smell and feel of magic; she had gotten a bit more acclimated after it had been released into Etheria, as well as with the support of Melog, but she still avoided any direct exposure if she could help it.

Safe and with a full belly, the child slept, a soft purr rumbling from her as she lay nestled between the two women who had taken her in. Catra sighed. She could make all the plans she wanted to—it seemed that the universe liked to throw in surprises. No matter. She and Adora would deal with this as they dealt with everything else that came their way. For tonight, though, they just needed to sleep.

Melog shifted at their feet and snored softly; Catra found herself smiling at the domesticity of it all. Growing up, Catra dreamed of rising within the ranks of the ranks of the Horde, of conquering Etheria, of **_power_** ; however, it had left her broken, hollow. But this? Oh, this was everything and she would happily give away all of the power in the world for this moment. She felt someone watching her and cracked an eye open to meet Adora’s sleepy gaze.

*I want to have this for the rest of my life. I love you so much. You are my world. Thank you for staying, for choosing me.* 

Is what Catra would have said, if she was less emotionally repressed, but what she actually mumbled was, “Stop watching me like a creep and go to sleep, idiot.”

Adora smiled and blinked slowly, then reached for Catra’s cheek and lazily played with the tuft of fur below her ear as Catra drifted off to sleep.


	3. Under Siege

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Busy weekend—but here y’all go! Content warning for a panic attack and an assault in this chapter, as well as war flashbacks.

Catra wasn’t exactly sure why she was awake at what was clearly some terribly early hour of the morning, but for a change it wasn’t due to a nightmare. She tried to take a deep breath to sigh and found that she couldn’t—oh, that’s right..breathing. Breathing was not optional, which was apparently what had stirred her from her slumber. Panic began to set in and Catra pawed at whatever was suffocating her and pulled it off her face, gasping. She heard a startled mewl and felt Adora shift to sit up in alarm as Melog admonished her to calm down.

*It’s just the tiny cat,* they uttered sleepily.

Catra blinked and the room shifted into focus. At some point she had bolted upright and was holding Opal in front of her; her legs dangled limply and her tail lazily swished the air. They stared at each other for a few moments before the kitten hissed weakly.

“Seriously, kid? We’re doing this again?”

Adora groaned and pulled them back so they were laying down and Melog huffed as they plopped their head back down on Catra’s legs. Opal sandwiched herself in between the two women again and Catra took some deep breaths in an attempt to relax but opened her eyes after a few minutes to find the child staring up at her, unblinkingly. Catra hummed lowly and scratched the girl’s head.

“What’s up, kid?”

“I’m thirsty,” was the whispered response.

From beside them, a sleepy voice mumbled, “Hi Thirsty, I’m Adora.”

This time, it was Catra’s turn to groan. “I swear that if you ever make a joke like that again, I’ll go back to attempting to kill you.” To her surprise, she didn’t get a response and Catra realized her girlfriend had fallen back asleep. She resigned herself to getting up, then extricated herself from the sheets as gently as she could and Opal crawled out of the bed shortly after. Catra went to the sink in the bathroom and got a drink for the girl which she gulped down, spilling some on the front of her shirt.

“You good?” The child nodded, and Catra guided her back to bed, feet padding softly on the plush carpet. Once in bed, they shifted back into their positions from earlier. Catra stared up at the ceiling for what felt like hours as she willed her body to relax enough to go back to sleep. As she finally started drifting off again Catra thought she could hear a quiet purr beside her head.

***

Later that morning, Catra began to stir awake, opting to clutch a pillow and bury her face in it in an attempt to block out some of the harsh light filtering into their room. The quiet purring she’d heard as she drifted off earlier started back up and Catra belatedly realized that the kitten had shifted back to their position at her head—at least this time they hadn’t flung themselves across her face. She heard a low laugh from beside her and cracked an eye open.

Adora’s silver eyes were flecked with gold in the morning light and crinkled slightly as she smiled. “I don’t think she’ll admit it, but I’m pretty sure she likes you.”

Catra clicked her tongue. “Well, she’s got poor judgement, then.”

A light slap on her arm. “Cut that out! You’re amazing.”

“I prefer the term majestic,” she deadpanned.

Adora rolled her eyes. “I take it back. You are literally the worst.”

“Oh, please. There’s at least one other person on this planet who’s worse than me. Two, if you count Swift Wind.”

Adora snorted softly, but smiled. “Love you, Babe.”

“Love you too, uh...Sugar.”

That dopey grin which Catra loved, then, “Aw, you called me a pet name that wasn’t ‘idiot’ or ‘dummy’.”

Catra smirked, a fang peeking out from under her lip. “I have a variety of pet names for you that I can draw upon at any moment, _Honey._ “

“Oh, yeah?”

“Of course, Sweetpea.” The smirk turned into a full-on grin and Catra realized the tip of her tail was flicking. “So, you want me to start calling you different names, Dumpling? Pudding? Kebabs from that one street vendor that I like so much?”

Adora groaned. “And, there it is. Are you even capable of being affectionate for five minutes without turning it into some sort of joke?”

Catra shifted and pinned Adora to the bed, eyes shining with mirth as she grinned down at her. “First sip of ice water after a run. Grits with bacon. Perfuma’s party kale that’s surprisingly really good, actually.” She kissed Adora’s forehead tenderly after each declaration, then leaned down and pressed a final chaste kiss to her lips and her own face shifted into a soft smile. “Idiot.”

Their conversation had been hushed despite a few snorts from Adora as she stifled a laugh, but Catra became aware that the quiet purring had stopped. She shifted slightly to peer above them and was again greeted by those solemn green eyes, intense and unblinking. She winced. “Sorry for waking you up, kid.”

Opal yawned and stretched and her tail thumped against the bed a few times. Catra frowned slightly. “Not much for talking, huh?”

Adora brought her hands up to rub behind the kitten’s ears, which elicited a startled chirp that quickly turned into another round of purrs. “All this talk of food’s got me hungry—you wanna get some breakfast?” Another chirp, this time from the foot of the bed where Melog had remained curled up. They perked up in attention, mane glowing a light blue and a smile on their face.

Catra stretched and popped a few joints, then ruffed Opal’s mane, which elicited a grumble of protest. “I guess that settles it. Time to track down some food!”

***

Some time later, the group wandered the streets of Salineas in search of breakfast. A small cafe caught Adora’s eye and they opted to enter, promptly greeted by various enticing aromas as they shut the door behind them. Despite its size, the cafe appeared to be popular—tables full and conversations echoing off the walls, as well as a bit of a line at the register. Catra’s stomach lurched and her mouth went dry and she swallowed hard as she assessed potential escape routes. She felt a firm nudge against her leg and glanced down at Melog, whose mane had shifted into a swirling magenta, their form shrunken down so they were hardly larger than a house cat.

*Huh. This is new.* 

*Indeed. This is the first time I’ve not had your fear immediately shift into anger.* 

Catra frowned. *I’m not so sure I like it.* She bristled as a hand firmly clamped onto her shoulder, but quickly regained her wits and shook herself out of her thoughts before forcing herself to focus on the concerned face of her girlfriend.

“Hey. I’ve called your name like three times. You okay?”

Catra took a deep breath and glanced around to notice Opal staring at her once again. She’d have to ask Adora if she, herself, looked at others so intensely and apologize if that was the case—it was a bit unsettling, really. “Yeah, I’m just a bit nervous with all these people in here.”

The line moved again and the cashier greeted Adora and began taking their order. Catra realized she hadn’t even looked at the menu and took a few moments to scan it and make a decision. The cashier turned to Catra and she met his gaze, bile rising in her throat as his previously kind face shifted to a cold expression she knew too well.

Catra shrunk in on herself and attempted to take up as little space as possible. She looked down at the floor, ears flat against her head, tail bristled and beginning to lash wildly as her anxiety spiked. Hazily, Catra realized she was clenching and unclenching her fists.

“Get the hell out of my cafe,” the man at the counter hissed, teeth gritted.

She could only stand there, numbness overtaking her limbs, blood roaring in her ears. She glanced around for Adora and spotted her at the far end of the counter, but she was busy with Opal and wasn’t aware of the current situation. The edges of Catra’s vision blurred and she was vaguely aware that the man at the til was addressing her again. She shook her head and willed herself to focus on what he was saying, to hear his words over the hammering in her head.

This time, he was yelling and the chatter around them stopped abruptly. “I said you need to _leave_ , Horde scum!”

A few voices murmured in alarm and Catra could feel everyone staring. Searing pain on her face and right arm shocked her back into the present and as she numbly looked down, she registered that her fur was wet and there was now a shattered mug on the ground nearby, blood mingled with coffee on the crisp white ceramic.

“Hey what the _fuck?!_ ”

She was grabbed roughly and started to struggle against whoever was pulling her with them. Blinded by panic, she lashed out, catching her assailant in the face, which elicited a string of profanity; however the grip of her captor merely shifted and she attempted to redouble her efforts. Wild with fear, she began to twist out of the hold, claws protracted, when she heard Adora’s voice at her ear—a firm command.

“Catra! _STAND DOWN!_ ”

Catra went limp in compliance and as they burst out the door she was rocked by an explosion. Debris clattered to the ground around them and kicked dust into the air which mixed with acrid smoke. Gunfire and artillery echoed with the din of soldiers shouting, the screams of terrorized citizens. Flames licked at her fur as the city burned around her. Not that long ago, she had gleefully cackled, relished the victory, delighted in the destruction—now she only felt sick.

As quickly as the assault had started, it ended, blinking back into the past. The soldier looked around frantically, confused, but the chaos from only moments ago had become just another day in the plaza. The mundanity of it somehow jarred her even more.

Catra retched into the nearby bushes and her breath came in ragged gasps. Her head throbbed and her chest felt somehow simultaneously hollow and full of shame. A hand gripped her chin and forced her to look up; she locked gazes with electric blue eyes which sparked with fury, neat slashes seeping blood from the cheek below. Terror seized her and Catra whimpered, a tiny, pitiful sound.

“Catra!”

She again shrunk into herself as much as she could. Her own voice sounded tiny, far away, like it belonged to someone else. “Please. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please. So sorry. Don’t hurt me. Please. I can’t—don’t…” She couldn’t talk anymore, her breaths coming in shallow pants that burned her throat.

She-Ra’s eyes widened and her face quickly traded the anger for a mask of grief as she blinked back into Adora’s smaller form. Her usually grey eyes were a washed out blue and brimming with tears. She pressed her forehead against Catra’s and cupped her cheek as she ran a thumb along her jawline. “No. Baby, no. Shh...it’s okay, you’re safe. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Confusion grappled with the terror still gripping her mind. Adora was the enemy—why was she being so tender? Something pressed against her side and she stared dumbly at the creature frantically rubbing against her.

*Friend,* a hollow voice echoed through her mind, *Come back to this time.*

And just as suddenly as she had been thrust into the past, Catra became painfully aware of the present. Of the bright sun, air thick with humidity and murmuring from the small crowd which had gathered to watch the spectacle unfold. Opal gazing at her from a few feet away as Melog frantically licked Catra’s arm, rough tongue catching at the fur. And Adora—the terror which had been snuffed to burning embers in her chest quickly reignited.

“No.” Catra shoved herself away from Adora and stared at her hands in horror. “Adora, I—“

“It’s okay, it’s already healed. I know you didn’t mean to.”

The edges of her vision again blurred as she gaped, left hand flecked with blood, staining her claws and under the cuticles. This time, the blackness overtook her.

***

When she woke back up again, it was nighttime. She buried her face in the pillow and sighed deeply, allowing the familiar scent to comfort her. Catra frowned and blinked in confusion—when did she get back home?

Melog’s voice was tender, comforting. *We had Glimmer bring us back home to rest. Salineas is too much for you to handle right now. Perhaps, some day, when you have further healed.*

Catra trembled and clutched the sheets. *No! I have to go back! I have to fix—*

*Later, child. When both you and the Salineans have had more time to heal. You must wait until the time is right before you can make amends...to go back now will cause more harm.* 

She looked around the room, attempting to ground herself. The ridiculous waterfall that, after three days of living here, Adora had to explain was not a shower and was apparently just for relaxation. The dresser, a few drawers open with some clothes from their trip laying on the floor and a handful of picture frames on top. The desk, with Adora hunched over, brows knitted and tongue slightly out as she concentrated on whatever she was working on. She looked like she could stand to spend some time taking a break from paperwork and sitting near that stupid waterfall that had no business being inside a bedroom. Seriously—who fucking _does_ that?

The tracker pad on the desk chirped lightly and Adora set down her pen to answer. Mermista’s face flickered onto the screen. Catra grimaced as she noticed the water princess appeared to be _furious_. *Lovely,* Catra thought bitterly, *I’ve managed to screw this up in just a week.* She braced herself to be chastised, but was unprepared for the tirade that followed.

“That _son of a bitch—_ ” Mermista turned to shout at someone off to the side, as someone in the background screamed angrily. “SEA HAWK, NO!” She turned back to address Adora and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as though her head hurt. When she resumed speaking, it was with her typical detached monotone.

“Hey, so like, are you guys like, okay, or whatever?”

Adora nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I think we’re fine.”

“Sorry it took so long to check in, I was stuck in meetings all day. It was _horrible. Ughhhhhhh._ ” Again, Mermista jerked around to address whoever was off camera. Catra could hear more angry screaming in the background before Mermista screeched out, “SEAHAWK FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE NOT SETTING THE RESTAURANT ON FIRE!”

Again, that calm demeanor returned as she turned back to the screen. “Anyways, sorry one of my citizens attacked your girlfriend. I mean, she kinda deserved it after destroying the city earlier this year, but we agreed that community service would be the punishment and not—“ she again turned to the side and spoke sharply, “I don’t _care_ if she’s a war criminal, when she’s here, she’s under _my_ jurisdiction and we do not throw things at people when they’re complying with the terms of their probation.”

Again, more yelling. Mermista’s eye twitched and this time, instead of yelling, her voice was low, dangerous.

“Are you going to continue to argue with me, or do I need to have She-Ra come back to your cafe to explain why you should not be assaulting her girlfriend?”

Adora glanced over at Catra and upon noticing she was awake flashed a smile at her before turning back to the trackerpad.

Mermista continued, “Anyways, let Catra know I’m sorry that all happened and that I still think she’s a pain in the ass and I’m still like, _really_ upset with her for destroying my city but maybe she’s kinda funny and not entirely terrible. And like, after I got chipped I sort of can understand her better, or whatever.”

Catra blinked in shock. Was she dreaming this conversation? Mermista grunted as the screen jostled around, centering on the chipper face of Sea Hawk, who had apparently wrestled the device from his girlfriend’s grasp.

“Fear not, Adora, for I shall AVENGE YOUR LOVE IN YOUR ABSENCE!”

Alarmed, Catra finally spoke up, “No please don’t! I’d like to _not_ have more enemies, thanks.”

The young man flashed his characteristic grin and toyed with his mustache. “Very well, I shall not avenge you; however, I would like to request that when you are up for it, you join me on the Dragon’s Daughter Seven for some derring-do!”

Adora raised an eyebrow. “You’re inviting Catra to join you on an adventure?”

“Well, I do love a woman that can start a nice fire.”

Suddenly, spending time with the pirate didn’t sound so horrible. Catra perked up. “Ooh, does this mean we’d get to light things on fire and not get in trouble for it?”

Simultaneously, Adora and Mermista admonished, “NO SETTING THINGS ON FIRE!”

With a final “UGH!” Mermista grabbed the trackerpad from her partner and clicked the screen off. Adora chuckled softly and turned to face Catra, her face screwing into a smirk.

Adora waved an arm at the bed. “Uh, would you like some help getting out of that?”

Catra frowned, then took stock of her situation and realized that she had been swaddled in the blankets.

“Adora, what the _hell?!_ ”

Another chuckle as she stood up to cross the room. “You always found it comforting when we were kids.” Adora leaned over the bed and gave Catra a quick peck on the forehead, then loosened the blanket and lifted it slightly, eliciting a soft chirp from inside. Catra looked down to see Opal tucked in against her and made eye contact with the girl. Although she had just woken up, she was staring again—there was something unnerving about the seriousness in those pale green eyes. She seemed so much older than five.

They continued that way for a few moments, Opal intently gazing at Catra. Finally, she spoke, her voice awed and barely above a whisper.

“You were the bad lady.”


	4. Debriefing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the missed update last week! Life is just a bit out of hand, at times. Y’all can have a bit of Magicat shenanigans, as a treat.
> 
> Catra and Adora discuss the events of the past few days and decide on a course of action. This one’s dialogue-heavy.

Catra was fairly certain that the only reason she wasn’t spiraling into another panic attack was due to sheer exhaustion. Still, her mind began racing and that sick feeling settled back into her gut. Silence hung heavily in the room and Catra found herself unable to look away from the intense gaze of the child in front of her.

“Hey, you.”

Catra shifted to face her girlfriend, whose hand was hovering just above her, waiting for permission before touching. Once she knew Catra was aware of her presence, Adora slid under the covers with her, face just a few inches away. Opal again sandwiched herself between the two women and Catra raised her eyebrows in confusion. “Hey, I thought I was the bad lady…”

Again, that intense stare.

“I already knew.”

“Oh.” Catra broke rolled onto her back to stare up at the ceiling and the room fell into silence. Then, “Wait—is _that_ why you bit me?”

She saw Opal nod out of the corner of her eye and the kitten followed up with, “But you didn’t seem bad anymore, and Adora said you’re not.”

Melog nuzzled her and their tone was firm, certain. *You never were bad.* Catra shivered slightly and swallowed down the lump she felt forming in her throat.

*Uh, sure. If you say so…*

Catra shifted to look at Adora, whose face openly showed her concern. Damn it, this was going to be one of those nights where she wanted to talk. At least with the kid present, they couldn’t have the conversation—she’d be able to deal with it another time. Or maybe not at all.

“I have Glimmer bringing us some supper and taking Opal out for a bit to explore the castle.”

No such luck. Catra groaned and buried her face in Adora’s neck, causing the child between them to squeak out a growl in protest as they were squished a bit between the two women. Catra drew back and took a breath, then grinned wickedly.

“Alright, kid. We gotta talk that growl of yours.” Opal blinked up at her, confused. “Wanna learn how to make it actually scary?”

Opal’s usual neutral expression turned into indignation. “My growl is plenty scary!”

“Oh yeah? Do it again, then. Let me see!”

Adora, recognizing where this conversation was headed, smartly made the decision to get out of the bed and watch from a safe distance. Melog quickly joined her and they watched in amusement as Opal crouched and fluffed up, unleashing a creaky growl which Catra responded to by drawing her face down to the girl’s and bristling slightly as she unleashed a low feral growl that was nearly a roar.

Opal’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly. “WOW.”

Catra casually extended her claws on one hand, studying them with a smirk. “I know, right?” She tapped the girl on the collarbone. “You’re growling from your throat—try it from your belly.” Opal fluffed up again, thrashing her tail and growling, then pouncing on Catra, who rolled off the bed and flopped onto the floor dramatically, the kitten now perched on her chest. Catra draped an arm across her face and proclaimed, “I have been slain! Taken out by the fiercest Magicat in Etheria!”

Adora giggled and leaned over the bed to look down at them. “Giving up your title so easily?”

Catra opened an eye and shrugged. “I’m retiring.”

“You are twenty.”

“I’m twenty- _one_!”

“Since when?”

Catra rolled her eyes. “Bow made me pick out a birthday because he wanted to celebrate it. He didn’t say I had to tell him when it was. Oops. Too bad we missed it.”

Adora huffed. “You could have at least told me! When was it?”

“Last week,” Catra shrugged. “I threw one of Bow’s arrows at a calendar because he wouldn’t shut up about it. He thought I was joking, though.”

“SERIOUSLY.”

Another creak from Opal started a fresh exchange of growls between the Magicats which grew progressively louder as they continued. Catra was in the midst of a particularly dramatic growl when the air in the corner shimmered and Glimmer materialized in the room.

“What on Etheria is going on in here?! The guards are FREAKING OUT!”

Catra cackled. “Mayhem. Doom. Destruction.”

“They’re play-fighting,” Adora announced casually.

“I’m teaching the kid how to climb the curtains.”

“Just ignore her, she’s always extra spicy after a rough day.”

“We’re training later on best practices to put gouges in stonework.”

“Why are you _like_ this?” Glimmer groaned.

“We’re starting with the War Room.”

Glimmer scoffed, “You don’t have the guts.”

Catra laughed outright and Opal stared up at her, mystified. “Are we really going to do all of that?”

Catra shook her head, wiping tears from her eyes as she stopped laughing. “No, we’re not really going to start trashing the place. I’m _reformed_ , now.”

“What does that mean?”

“Uh...Just a fancy way of saying I’m not bad anymore.”

Opal looked up at Catra, hands on her hips and tail twitching slightly. “I already said that!” She crouched down and gave another growl before pouncing on Catra, and the pair began to wrestle on the floor, Opal using both of her legs to kick wildly at Catra as they thrashed around.

“Alright you two, that’s ENOUGH !” Glimmer’s voice, although loud, held no edge to it. She set a bag down on the desk, then walked over and held a hand out to Opal, smiling. “Ready to explore the castle with me and meet a few more friends?” The girl was suddenly shy again and ducked behind Catra, glancing around her leg at the queen. “I’ll bet Netossa will play some games with you!”

Adora moved to join the rest of the group. “Ooh, Netossa and Spinnerella are here? Maybe Spinny will tell you stories!”

The girl’s eyes widened, a mixture of emotions crossing her face. Catra crouched down and mussed the child’s hair up, laughing raspily. “When Sparkles takes you to meet them, be sure to show them how good you can growl now!” She seemed to be almost convinced, and Catra decided to throw in one more thing to hopefully seal the deal. “We can ask Melog if they would go with you.”

She barely finished the sentence before they bumped up against Opal, shrinking back to the size of a kitten and chirping in affirmation.

“So how about it, kid?”

As a response, Opal stepped forward and reached out for Glimmer’s hand, a look of determination on her face. The queen beamed at her. “Do you want to walk or should I use my magic like earlier?”

Those wide, bright eyes again. “Magic!”

Glimmer winked at her friends. “Well, you heard the boss. Catch you guys later!” And with a blink, they were gone.

Catra sagged a bit, then turned to face Adora, who pulled her against her, murmuring in her ear. “We’re definitely talking about earlier, but let’s get some food in you, first.”

***

A short time later, Catra found herself curled up against her girlfriend, purring softly. She nuzzled against Adora’s shoulder, then shifted and pressed a kiss against her lips before resting with their foreheads together. She sighed and relaxed a bit more deeply as Adora began to play with her hair lazily.

“Your hair’s growing out pretty quickly—I can’t believe it’s this long, already.”

“Thank the stars, I _hate_ having it short.” Catra frowned before continuing, “Guess that’s my cue to start talking about the stuff I’d rather avoid, huh?”

Adora switched from playing with Catra’s hair to rubbing her ears. “Are you sure you want to talk about it just yet? I don’t want to stress you out more than you already are.”

“I mean, I don’t particularly _want_ to talk about any of what happened earlier, but…” she shrugged and continued, “...I know it’s gonna bother you if we don’t address it, and your needs are important, too.”

Another kiss, this time pressed to her cheek. “Okay, Love. Then I guess we’ll start off with what happened at the cafe. I haven’t seen you have a panic attack that bad in about a month. Although I’m not too shocked with how the owner treated you. How are you feeling?”

“I mean, like shit, honestly. But Perfuma warned me this could happen before I went on that trip, so I only have myself to blame. It was dumb.”

“Hey—not true. You’re not responsible for stuff like that. You took a risk to try and make things better; I’m proud of you.”

“For what? Pissing off the locals and being too weak to deal with the fallout?”

“Would you feel better if I went back and beat him up?”

“ADORA. NO.”

“You sure? Might be fun. Bet the coffee sucked, anyways.”

Catra scoffed and turned to face Adora, a fang poking out from a smirk. “Fine. Avenge me. Whatever.” Her face shifted back to that forlorn expression which Adora had grown accustomed to over the past several months. “I’m sorry that sort of thing keeps happening. Perks of dating one of the former leaders of the army who went around raiding and razing villages, I guess. I just...thank you. It’s not fair to you that you keep having to deal with the aftermath.”

“Hey, we look out for each other. It’s what we do.”

Catra smiled. “Yeah, it is. I just...don’t want you to ever feel like I’m taking it for granted? Taking _you_ for granted...I’m still...not that good with all this feelings stuff, but I’m trying to do better.”

Adora laughed. “You and me, both. I’d still rather punch things out, if we’re being honest. Which brings me to the next thing: why were you afraid of me, Catra?”

Catra’s ears shot back and she flinched and pulled away to sit on the edge of the mattress, drawing her knees up and hugging them to herself. “I—I don’t know what happened. All I remember is that I thought it was the day we laid seige to Salineas.” She stared ahead, eyes unfocused. “I really thought I was back there. In that time.”

The bed shifted behind her and Adora moved to sit alongside her girlfriend, but didn’t make an attempt to touch her just yet. Her brow furrowed in concern and she chewed her lip. “Has that happened before?” Catra sighed and nodded in response, and Adora continued, “I know Perfuma’s meditation sessions have been helpful, but it sounds like there might be some stuff going on that she doesn’t work with. Maybe we should look into a Listener for you.”

The fur alongside Catra’s spine bristled and she glowered. “I don’t need a Listener. I’m not crazy.”

Adora ran a hand down Catra’s back, smoothing the fur back down. “I know, Love, but there’s nothing wrong with consulting with one.”

“Fine. I’ll try it once, but only because I don’t want to hurt you like I did earlier again.”

“Aw, it’s as if you like me, or something.”

“You’re such an idiot.” They smiled at each other a few moments, but Catra’s expression clouded over slightly as she thought of the next discussion they needed to have. “So...what are we going to do about Opal?”

Adora frowned. “Do we really have to decide that right away?”

“Kind of important to figure out how to handle this. The kid’s already gonna be screwed up as it is—I don’t want to cause more issues for her later.”

“Do you think we could keep her? I mean, if we can’t find any relatives?” Adora had stopped looking at her and her gaze flitted about the room nervously. Catra cupped her chin, forcing Adora to look back at her.

“Adora, I love you with all my heart, but it is WAY too early for us to be starting a family.”

Adora’s face flushed and she started speaking frantically, “But what do we do if she doesn’t have any family? I’ve never seen others like you. Who could even handle raising her? You remember how much trouble they had with you at the Horde, and you’ve already seen how much of a handful she is! And...I just...I know it was hard, not having anybody else around who looked like you, and—“

Catra smiled softly and twisted around to press their foreheads back together. “Adora. BREATHE.” Adora was still wound up, but she stopped talking for a moment. “I just...I _love_ children. You know that—but I can’t...I’ve still got too much I’m figuring out now to take on that sort of responsibility. You do, too.” Adora’s face fell and Catra added, “In a few years, maybe? When we’re more settled.”

Adora’s expression brightened a bit, but she still appeared concerned. “That doesn’t answer what we’re doing with Opal, besides knowing that we aren’t keeping her.”

“Well...I’d say we start with looking for her family, but I also think we need to find a temporary home for her. A family to take her in who is more prepared for a child than we are, although I’d like to stay connected with her.”

Adora looked thoughtful. “I think that’s a good idea, but how do we find anyone to take her in?”

“Weren’t Netossa and Spinnerella talking about wanting to foster or adopt?” Adora blinked and a smile spread across her face and Catra felt some of her own anxiety melt away. “Maybe the timing of their visit was meant to happen, yeah? And I’d say if anyone besides us could handle a Magicat kitten, it’d be them.”

“So we’ll talk to Spinny and Netty, and see if they’d be up for taking her in. Maybe we should hit up Lance and George and King Micah to see if we can figure out any leads on where to search for wherever the refugees from the Halfmoon Kingdom settled.”

Catra shook her head. “I feel like that’s just gonna be a dead end. Opal’s the first Magicat I’ve met besides myself, and even Sea Hawk has only came across one other. I doubt we’re gonna find any substantial settlement—we’ll be lucky to even find small bands of them. We need to give it a shot, but we have to be realistic.”

“Yeah, but we also know they’re really reclusive. Maybe they don’t know the war’s over and they’re still laying low.”

“Adora, it’s been fifteen years since they went into hiding. Let’s face it, there isn’t a kingdom left.”

“You’re possibly right, but if anyone can find them, it’s the Best Friends Squad. With everything going on in Etheria, we can’t go into space for awhile, yet—but a few weeks of traveling around won’t hurt anything.”

“Best Friends Squad, back in action, I guess.”


	5. Illusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra has a conversation with Netossa and Spinerella, causing some issues to surface. Melog is a good friend.
> 
> Content warning for flashbacks to child abuse.
> 
> A few things about this fic: I wasn’t planning for it to take the direction it’s going, but I’m excited to actually dig into some Magicat lore as things progress. Also, I know Catra deserves all the good things, but we’re only six months into her even beginning to address her stuff. The girl is pretty much going to be consistently activated for awhile—we’ll get her to a better space, I promise.

Catra knocked on the door tentatively, then shuffled her feet awkwardly as she waited for a reply. She had come alone to speak with Netossa and Spinnerella as Adora had stayed behind in their room to get Opal settled in for the night. Catra still felt a bit uncomfortable spending any time alone with Adora’s friends, but was grateful to have Melog alongside to provide some support.

Melog pressed themselves against Catra’s legs and mewled softly, *They’re your friends, too, you know.*

Before Catra could respond to the firm, but gentle statement, the door opened and Spinnerella greeted her with a soft smile. “Catra! It’s so good to see you!” She turned to call back into the room, “Netty, Darling, it’s our second favorite cat come to visit! Oh! Where are my manners? Come in!”

Despite the warm greeting—or maybe _because_ of it—Catra felt her anxiety spike. She forced herself to enter the room and nodded at Netossa, who was sprawled in a chair in the corner. “I see I’ve been demoted to second place.”

Netossa grinned. “Only because Opal’s cuter and hasn’t tried to destroy us.”

Catra smirked and retorted, “Only because I haven’t finished her training. SOON.” She felt herself relax, settling into the familiar snark of their banter. Warm and kind was still uncomfortable, but this? Catra felt best equipped to handle sarcasm and sharp barbs. She crossed the room with Spinnerella and draped herself across one of the other chairs, while Spinny sat on the floor by Netossa and scratched Melog’s head as they bumped against her.

“So, how are you and Adora?”

Catra curled up and pulled her legs to herself, then rested her chin on her knees, tail thumping weakly. She didn’t want to be honest, but Perfuma’s constant advisement to embrace being vulnerable whispered from the back of her mind, so she made an attempt. “We’re...uh. Well, it’s been kinda hard, so we’ve both been struggling a bit.”

Spinnerella frowned and reached forward to place a hand on Catra’s shoulder. Catra initially flinched, but quickly found herself able to relax into the touch. Spinny’s voice was soft and thankfully didn’t hold any pity. “Relationships are a lot of work on a good day; our relationships with significant others, with friends, and most importantly with ourselves. You and Adora haven’t exactly had healthy role models for how to deal with any of this.” Catra nodded and Spinnerella continued, “Netty and I don’t claim to be experts, but we do have a few years on you two, so please—if you need support, know that we’re here. Contrary to what the Horde taught you, it’s not weak to get help.”

Catra chuckled softly. “You’re beginning to sound like Perfuma.”

“I will take that as a complement. She’s very kind and wise.”

“Eh. You’re not wrong.” Netossa gasped dramatically and Catra glanced over at her, warily. “What?”

“Ooh, man, you got SOFT. What happened?”

Catra shrugged and silence descended upon the room. She scratched the back of her neck, uncomfortable. “So, uh...how are you guys doing?”

Netossa’s expression lightened up. “Oh! We’re real good! With the war being over, we’ve been able to actually make plans for the future. Spinny and I actually decided to move to the area, since we visit so often.”

Catra perked up, ears swiveled forward. “Really?!” She flushed slightly and forced her face to return to a neutral expression. “I mean, good for you.”

Spinnerella beamed at her. “Yes! We actually bought an acreage at the edge of the Whispering Woods. It’s been a dream of ours for quite some time to have a small farm and this would be the perfect area to start our family.”

“That sounds...really nice. Yeah.” Catra nodded. “I can see the two of you being into that. I’m glad it’s happening, but don’t you two have kingdoms to run or something?”

Netossa shook her head, then explained, “Some of us are given the title of ‘Princess’ as more of an honorific, than anything. Not to say that we don’t have our fair share of duties...”

Spinnerella picked up the explanation, “But our responsibilities lay in using our powers to protect Etheria. I’m actually originally _from_ Brightmoon, and Netty grew up in Mystacor. We spend so much time here, it just makes sense to move closer..”

Netossa grinned wickedly. “ _And_ with us living so close, I can come over more often to kick your butt in sparring practice.”

“Pfft. As if you could!”

“I seem to recall winning our last competition by two points.”

“Well, I seem to recall you not getting ANY points the time before that!”

Netossa burst out laughing. “Guess we’ll just have to settle it with another match.” Her expression sobered up. “So, what brings you here? As much as I enjoy spending time with you, we all know you’re not one to just casually visit people—especially without Adora.”

Spinerella nodded and smiled warmly. “Although, we’d absolutely _love_ to see you more often. I’d like to get to know you better.”

Catra swallowed thickly and blinked. “Yeah…” She smiled. “I think I might come around when you get settled in. But yeah, Netossa’s right, I did come here on a Mission.”

“Ha! I knew it! So, what’s up?”

“How much do you know about the situation with Opal?”

Spinnerella sighed and answered, “Glimmer filled us in while you were resting earlier. It’s heartbreaking, but I’m glad you and Adora managed to get her. It seems like the two of you are good with her.”

“Well, Adora’s at least good with her. I just feel a bit...lost.”

Netossa cocked her head. “Huh. From what I’ve seen, you’re usually fine with kids. Surprisingly good with them, actually. And she was really excited to show us some of the things you were teaching her earlier.”

Catra chuckled, “I mean, I _did_ teach her how to growl a bit more effectively, but I just…” She was quiet for a few moments, lost in thought. “She’s about the same age I was when I got taken by the Horde, and it’s bringing up some feelings.”

Spinnerella placed her hand back on Catra’s shoulder. “I can imagine they’re some pretty big feelings, too.”

“Yeah, and I just…” Catra shook her head. “We’re going to see if she has any family we can track down, but if we can’t find them, Adora wants to keep her, and I’m just…” She looked up and met Spinnerlla’s gaze and continued, desperately, “I’m not ready for that sort of responsibility.”

Netossa hummed. “You know, I think you’ve got your shit together more than you think; that was some really good insight.”

“Thanks. And...I guess that brings me back to why I’m here. You two have been talking about starting a family for awhile, and you can say ‘no,’ but I was wondering if you would consider fostering Opal? Maybe even adopting her if she doesn’t have any relatives to take her in. I think you’d be the best ones for her.”

Spinnerella’s smile broadened. “I’m honored that you think so highly of us and that you felt comfortable approaching us about this.” She turned to Netossa. “Darling, shall we talk about this proposition tonight and plan to meet tomorrow evening with a decision?”

Netossa nodded. “That sounds like a plan.”

Catra felt herself relax a little. “I really appreciate you taking this into consideration.”

“Well,” Netossa hedged, “we definitely need to think about this more before we can make a commitment, but I’m glad you came to us. It’s been pretty fun caring for a kitten again.”

Melog’s head shot up from Spinnerella’s lap as Catra gaped at Netossa. “What do you mean, ‘again’?”

Netossa grimaced. “Ooh, it makes sense that you wouldn’t know, since we really haven’t talked about wartime stuff together—but you haven’t really talked to Micah much, have you?”

“You know how I feel about sorcerers.”

“You seem to be okay with Glimmer and me.”

Catra frowned and ran a hand through Melog’s mane as they moved to sit with her. “Yeah, but you two are different.”

Silence again descended upon the room. Spinnerella’s voice was soft, hesitant. “If you will trust us with Opal, please trust us with yourself...Micah’s asked me a few times over the last several months about you. He seems to genuinely care, even if he hasn’t had the pleasure of getting to know you, yet.”

Netossa placed a hand on Catra’s, in an uncharacteristically gentle gesture. “I’m not sure why, but he’s been _dying_ to talk with you, and he’s held back because he knows you’re uncomfortable with him. But I really do think you should reach out to him. He knows more about Halfmoon than the rest of us combined.”

Catra nodded numbly, then stood up and stretched. “I’m still a bit worn out, so I think I’m gonna head back to my room. But thanks, you two.” She smiled softly as Melog stood up to butt their head against Netossa’s, then followed Catra to the door, Spinnerella close behind. Just before she went into the hall, Spinny pullled Catra into a warm hug. Catra again tensed up in surprise, however this wasn’t one of Scorpia’s bone-crushing, suffocating hugs, but one that was gentle, safe. Catra melted into the embrace and was startled to find a rumbling purr escape her.

She pulled back jerkily and spoke abruptly. “I. Uh. I gotta go, have a good night!” Catra walked briskly down the hall, only slowing down when she had rounded the corner.

Melog’s voice was gentle, but held an edge of amusement. *This is the first time I’ve heard you purr for anyone other than Adora.*

“Yeah, whatever.” Catra felt panic settling in and her tail began switching as they walked.

*They make you feel safe. Why do you feel shame?*

“Because...I don’t know. It’s just weird, okay?”

Melog cocked their head. *Being comfortable enough to be authentic around friends is not weird.*

Catra felt her hackles rising, and Melog’s mane bristled into crimson spikes as she rounded on them. “I know you’re not from around here, but on Etheria, it’s not normal for people to fucking PURR when they’re comfortable. And they’re _not_ my friends! They’re just putting up with me because of Adora.” She felt her tail bristle and lash, and the anger bubbled up, threatening to boil over. Stupid purring, stupid tail, stupid ears—she was jarred from her spiraling thoughts by Melog firmly bumping into her, pushing her into an empty spare room.

*Why do you continue to speak the curses over yourself which others tried to place upon you?* She felt the rage drain out of her and Melog’s mane faded to a deep blue. *Is this why you struggle with the kitten?*

Catra buried her face in Melog’s chest and clutched them, sniffling. “Stupid emotions. UGH. I feel like all I do is cry anymore. I _hate_ it.”

The room shifted around her and Catra felt her awareness slipping again as electricity surged through her body, leaving her breathless, nerves singing in pain as she went limp, tears streaming down her face, blurring the figure which loomed before her. Catra sobbed and they reached forward, tenderly cupping her face.

The voice was low, saccharine as it drawled, “My dear child, we’ve discussed this. You are not to show any signs of weakness.” Somehow, the electricity intensified and Catra could smell burnt fur. Her senses were overwhelmed by the pain and she wept. “Now...since you insist upon being so impudent, we’re going to have to go about this lesson the hard way. Stop crying, and I’ll allow the pain to stop.”

Catra sobbed, choked off as a fresh jolt of electricity knocked the wind out of her. “Such a disappointment. Weak. You are nothing but an animal, allowing your base instincts to control you. You, my dear, are nothing more than a mere beast. Pathetic.”

Minutes crept by as Catra cried, gasping for air and begging her abuser to stop, met only by silence and that cold, expressionless mask. Something inside of her shifted, and the girl’s face contorted into a mask of rage, somehow comfortable, familiar. The torture continued a few more moments until her tormentor appeared to be content and allowed the small girl to drop unceremoniously to the ground.

Catra gasped, jolted back to the present, gaze flitting about the room. She realized she was trembling, but Melog was pressed firmly against her and nuzzled her gently. Catra sagged against them, exhausted as she wept.

***

Some time later—Catra wasn’t sure how much later—her emotions settled down enough for her to gain some sense of coherence. She sniffled wearily, then wiped her nose on her sleeve before pressing her face against Melog’s.

“I still don’t get why you put up with me.”

Melog nuzzled her in response. *There is nothing to put up with. You are family, and I am happy to have you in my life. I sense the others feel this way about you, as well.*

“I...I feel the same way, bud.” She shifted to lay against the wall and Melog lay their head in her lap and leaned into an ear scratch. “Melog, can I ask you a question?” Melog hummed in affirmation and Catra continued. “How come you don’t talk with anyone else?”

A slight pause, then, *I am not sure. At first it was because I was afraid, but now it is just familiar.*

More silence. “Do you _want_ to talk with the others?”

*You are enough.*

Catra tapped Melog’s nose. “That wasn’t the question.”

Another hum, this one noncommittal.

“You know, it wouldn’t bother me if you did. I know you’re able to project speech—you did it on Krytis when you tricked us.”

*That was a good trick, yes?*

Catra laughed. “It was a _very_ good trick, buddy. I’m just saying that with how much you’ve been trying to get me to open up to others you could, I dunno, take your own advice?”

Melog groaned and flopped their head down, huffing a sigh as they did so. *I will...consider it.*

“I’m not trying to pressure you into doing anything you’re uncomfortable with, but I feel like everyone just sort of looks at you as some sort of a pet, rather than as another person.”

*They treat me kindly, so I am happy.*

“I know they do, but I’m just saying, I want to be sure you’re being treated equally to the rest of us.”

*And I appreciate you for this.*

“I guess...just let me know if there are any ways I can help make sure that’s happening, even if you don’t end up speaking with the others?”

Melog chirped happily. *This, I can do. You’re a good friend.*

Catra smiled, bittersweet. “I’m trying.” She stood up and stretched, popping her back, then flicked her tail to work out a few more kinks.

“Catra?” Adora’s concerned voice echoed through the hall, muffled by the door.

“Oh _shit_!” She looked frantically at Melog. “How long have we been in here?”

*I heard Guard Anaïs pass by here three times on her rounds, so it has been nearly two hours.*

“Oh. Oh no. We better—wait, how do you know that was Anaïs?”

*She has a slight limp. Also, I am fond of her as she frequently gives me treats.*

“Fair enough. Okay, time to go let Adora know we’re okay before she panics.” Catra opened the door to the room, just as Adora passed by, and Adora whipped around at the sound of Melog’s meowed greeting. Catra smiled sheepishly. “Hey Ado—OOF!” She grunted, cut off by a tight hug.

“Catra! Netossa said you were only with them for a half hour or so, and it’s getting to be late. With how the day went earlier I was getting worried.”

Catra pressed a kiss to Adora’s cheek and returned the hug, nuzzling against her neck. “Sorry, I didn’t realize we’d been gone that long. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Adora frowned, gazing past her at the vacant room. “Catra, why were you in one of the spare rooms? What happened?”

“I uh...guess I was still a bit worked up from this morning. Had another flashback. Melog took me in there to help me through it.” Adora’s frown deepened in concern and Catra shook her head. “Hey, it’s okay now. I’ve had worse.”

“That may be the case, but I’m still gonna worry.”

Hand in hand, they padded down the hall, Melog alongside. “Well, I vote we just leave it be for now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.”


End file.
